Monday, July 28, 2008

Ever Met this Person?

Ever met this person? He or she is forever eating junk, yet claiming it's healthy.

Pack of Fruit Licorice: "It's made with real 100% real fruit!* And it's fat free!"

Taco Salad (including a greasy shell and a pound of cheese): "I eat light. I'm having a salad."

Battered Fried Chicken: "Chicken is leaner than beef. I eat healthy."

Croissant, Jumbo Bagel or any Oversized Sandwich Roll: "I'm gettin' my grains."

Baked Potato (with cheese, sour cream, butter, bacon): "I'm gettin' my veggies. And gettin' my calcium from the sour cream)"

Three Slices of Thick Crust Pizza (with pepperoni, peppers and olives): "I'm gettin' my grains with the crust, my calcium with the cheese, my protein with the meat, and my veggies with the peppers. It's a perfect food."

Plate of Nachos: "Another perfect food!"

Large Frozen Yogurt (with Oreo sprinkles and caramel sauce): "I eat healthy snacks"

Starbucks Double Caramel Latte (with whipped cream): "Just a cup of coffee for me!"

This goes along with my theory that anyone who's constantly insisting "I'm doing [this virtuous thing]" is doing the opposite.

*Probably someone puts a few drops of 100% real fruit in the candy vat now and then


Jonathan said...

Wow, I didn't know you knew my sister. Small world.

Linda said...

That's me, Namo. (We haven't met yet, but I'm sure we will.)

stray g said...

uh oh ... reminds me of somebody eating handfuls of reddi-wip.

Sally said...

Nixon was the first one, wasn't he, with "ketchup is a vegetable."

Some others I found while double checking whether it was Nixon:

1. There are no calories in cookie fragments. Once a cookie has been broken all the calories leak out.

2. You will not gain weight if the person you are having lunch with eats more than you do.

3. No matter how many calories you consume at a meal, you can zero them out if you put artificial sweetener in your coffee.

4. Food that tastes bad has no calories.

Namowal said...

Say "hi" to your sister for me! ;)

We'll get to meet one of these days? Whoo hoo!

stray g,
So those reddi-wip rumors are true? Well, it is a way to get your dairy. If it's made with guar gum, you're getting your veggies too! ;)

Nixon really said that? What a dummy. Since ketchup is tomato based, it's obviously a fruit.
The list of food "laws" is pretty funny. I've known lots of people who overeat yet drink diet soda or Splenda Coffee. Then there's a pal I have who brags she'd never drink diet soda because of the unhealthy chemicals. Her "healthy" alternative? Regular soda!