Thursday, March 08, 2007

The Haunted Toilet

I was in the tub at my parents house when it happened.
Thud! A big jug of bubble bath flew from the toilet tank and hit the floor.
Startled, I leaned out of the tub and replaced it. Seconds later, it fell again, as if it had been thrown.
Was the house, nay, the toilet, haunted?
My imagination spun to concoct a scenario that would cause a toilet to be possessed.
Had someone been playing with a Ouija board on the can? Was a body in the sewer trying to make contact? Was the porcelain in the toilet made from sacred bones?
And why was it throwing bubble bath at me? Did it have a problem with the "Cucumber 'n' Mellon" scent?
Maybe the haunting would escalate. The lid would slam open and shut! The walls would bleed Tidy-Bowl Blue! The plunger would attack anyone who entered the room! Maybe that hag Sylvia Browne would come in and do a toilet reading. There'd be a televised exorcism where a plumber/priest combo could flush out the demon. I'd get paid for the story! I'd be rich! Rich!
Except there was one problem. Closer examination showed that the lid on the tank sloped slightly. Anything you put there would slip off. The trick to keeping the bubble bath where it belonged was to tuck the bottom of it in the bottle into the space between the back of the tank and the wall, which worked like a shelf.
The other problem is, if ghosts exist (which I find hard to believe), do they really have nothing better to do than to throw things, slam doors, and make the walls bleed?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hmmm! Interesting...makes sense to me.