Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Dingy Girl Magazines

I used to subscribe to magazines aimed at 20-40 something women. Then it hit me. What did any of this have to do with me? This was for someone who spent way more time and dough on her hair and clothes than I ever would. In fact, this gal doesn't seem to have any hobbies aside from shopping, decorating, looking pretty, and fishing for Mr. Right.
I'm not someone who touts ratty clothes and uncombed hair because I'm too enlightened to be obsessed with appearances (or "societal paradigms of beauty blah blah blah"). I shave my legs, wear lipstick, and avoid junk food to keep my weight down. The similarity ends there.

Typical articles (and my responses)
Fab Fall Fashion Finds!

My Response:
200 bucks for a pair of pants!? Are you out of your mind? That's 100 dollars per leg! For something I'll eventually spill coffee on. And do you really think Mr. Right (or anyone not in the fashion industry) is going to reject you because you're wearing last season's pants? At least get the cheap knockoff at Target, which will fall apart by the time it's out of style. And if I see "fab fashion" (or "luscious lips", "silky skin") one more time.

New Hairstyles For You!
My Response:
For me? Most of these take twenty to forty minutes of fussing with the blow dryer, the curling iron, and or a straightener. Who has time for something so frivolous? Besides, when I run my hairdryer it blows a fuse and I have to go outside with a head of wet hair to flip the damn switch. No thanks.

Our Most Scintillating, Steamy, Hot Fiction Romance Read!
My Response:
I can't stand these. They're about as romantic as overhearing neighbors fooling around. I don't like kissy kissy stories and movies anyway. Next.

By These [insert season here] Shoes!
My Response:
Why? I already have shoes. What's the point of more? I don't get it.

Your Horoscope!
My Response:
A fortune cookie is more credible. At least I get a snack with the cookie. I find it mildly disturbing that grown, college educated women read something like "Venus is retrograde brings trouble on the 15th" and take it seriously. Trust me, the only way Venus will bring trouble is if you mistake it for an UFO and drive into a tree because you were watching the planet instead of the road.

The Editorial about Woman's Rights.
My Response
I'm for womens equality, but considering that 95% of the magazine focuses on clothes, shopping, beauty and hair, these editorials stands out like a duck shooting article in a vegetarian magazine. Equality? With what? A Barbie Doll?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

awesome! you make so many valid points. it's gay men teaching straight women what straight men want. it's like a straight man getting a sex change to be with women.