Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Giant Flesh-Eating Bedbugs from Upper Flimflambia

I'm normally against spreading nonsense but I couldn't resist.
I sent this email to my coworkers:

Anyone want to start a snopes-worthy internet fib?
I say we start circulating pictures of this deep-sea pill bug (Giant Isopod),
Flimflambia Hemotophus Cimix Vicarius

With the following text:

WARNING! Giant flesh-eating bedbugs from Upper Flimflambia have been accidentally introduced to California in a banana shipment. While small enough in their larva stage to hide amongst fruit and leaves, they can grow up to a FOOT LONG! In spite of their length, they can squeeze through cracks and under doorways. In the wild they feed on sleeping herds of buffalo and zebra, but there have been three cases where they have been found IN PEOPLE'S BEDS. They hide between the mattress and the box spring by day, feeding on the blood of their victims when asleep. Talk about things that go "bump in the night!".
The National Entomological Society has these tips to keep them OUT of your house.
1. Make sure cracks under the door are tightly sealed
2. Wash sheets and blankets weekly, in hot water.
3. Patch or replace screens with holes.
4. Hang fresh cherry-scented air freshener "trees" (the kind you hang from your cars rear-view mirror) on your doorknobs and bedposts. These creatures have a strong sense of smell and are repelled by the cherry scent. Pina Colada scent is repels them too.
5. Keep a radio on at night on an A.M. dial. The sound waves bouncing off the ionosphere also repels them.


There you have it. Silly story, misuse of caps and quotation, a dangling participle, a cliche and a real photo. Beware!


GhostBuild said...

"Need tips for removing an bedding infestation? Call the Federal Department of Home Bedding Security help-line at (900) ISOPOD-B-GONE!"

Namowal said...

Heh heh.
It's a good thing pill bugs on land don't get as big as the seafaring ones. :)

Sally said...

yeah, but I remember reading an article about bedbugs in the la times about six weeks ago that was mega mega creepy.

linda said...

But you've got to admit, this bedbug is simply adorable!

Namowal said...

Aw shucks, thanks, linda. (I'm assuming you mean the cartoon and not the scary sea bug pictured in the link).
Sally, I missed the bed bug article in the times, but maybe that's a good thing. I was foolish enough to look them up on the internet. Those things are mini monsters. They're ugly, they hide, they attack in the dark, and they eat people (small portions, at least).

Sally said...

Namowal, you better look it up-- the article was horrific. Because of the ease of international travel, bedbugs are returning in the most unlikely and posh places, and of course they've built up their immune systems as all blood suckers do. Beagles are used to seek them out, I kid you not.