Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Guest Blogger: Winky the Cat

Dear Human Housemates,
Listen, I know Biff the Bulldog was young when you brought him home.  I'm sure you expected him to outgrow his shortcomings.  Yet, five years later, we still tolerate the presence of a creature who drinks from the toilet, can't clean himself, can't use a litter box, and drools.  A pathetic dolt who fears the mailman yet thinks garbage is something to roll in.  He can't catch a mouse, he can't climb, he can't sharpen his claws, and when he sleeps his tongue hangs out.
Biff belongs in a dog pound.
You can pat him on the head and call him "good boy" all you want,  but let's face facts.  He's an imbecile.  At the pound he'll be happy because he'll be around others like him.   I know it's not "politically correct" to say Biff is inferior, but I tell it like it is.  He's in idiot who chases tennis balls and chews rawhide scraps.  You can't take him outside without a leash.  Why are we pretending nothing is WRONG with him!?
Take him to the pound.  Do it for  yourself.  Do it for Biff.
You know it's the right thing to do.  


Linda said...

Winky tells it like it is. Plus, she has a great muzzle.

Namowal said...

Thanks, Linda!
I actually studied some Preston Blair cats (and similar animals) before drawing Winky. The result wasn't as polished as Blair's cats, but it'll do.
Plus I like the expression.

booda baby said...

Oh, that was just a great note. Winky and her kin are so perfectly unapologetic.

Namowal said...

Thanks, Boodababy,
I like how both creatures seem convinced that they know what's "really" going on, when in fact they both are clueless.

Winky the Cat said...

So typical of you spineless human hypocrites. You're just scared of a cat with a strong opinion. And if you love dogs so much, why don't you take Biff home with you?

Biff the Bulldog said...

Clueless? As a dog my senses are astoundingly better than human senses, yet you human beings have the gall, the arrogance to suggest I don't know what's going on? Unbelievable.
Typical human nonsense.

stray said...


Winky the Cat said...

That tears it! I declare cat war on the lot of you humans. Delete your comments (and mail me a box of catnip toys) or you'll end up like my scratching post.

Linda said...

Winky, you are a superior being.

Winky the Cat said...

Well, I'm glad one of you humans gets the picture.

p.s. Wanna adopt a bulldog?

Linda said...

I want to adopt YOU, Winky.

Winky the Cat said...

Does your home provide significant yardage of scratchible surfaces, Linda?

p.s. Don't believe anything the goldfish posts. He's mad at me because I tried to play with him once and boy, was he a bad sport!