Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Guest Blogger- Biff the Bulldog

Loyal Dogs of America,
For generations we've been loyal, responsible creatures.  We protect houses and fetch slippers.  We sit, stay and roll over.  We do what we know is right.
Yet in spite of this, an evil force trying to destroy everything we stand for.  A wicked entity which continues to threaten us and ignores our warnings.  The time has come for real dogs to take a stand:
The mailman must be stopped.
Each day this faceless intruder trespasses onto our property.  We warn him to leave and he does- only to return the next day.  The arrogance!  Does he think his repeated visits will scare us into submission?  Or is it his idea of a sick joke? 
Someone passed some info to me from a secret source.  While I can't verify accuracy, it sounds honest.  And answers a lot of questions.
"What the Mailman Doesn't want YOU to Know
Who is this mysterious human?   What is his REAL agenda?
The mailman has a deadly grudge against all dogs, and it's only a matter of time until he unleashes his evil.
He's the secret mastermind who
1. Invented muzzles, cats, and dog sweaters
2. Funds veterinarians, groomers, and fireworks manufacturers.


His plans include
1.  Doubling incidents of flea dips.
2.  Removal of trees and fireplugs.
3.  Outlawing table scraps.
4.  Taking away your chew toy.
5.  Vaporizing all dogs with the secret weapon he keeps in his sack (Ask yourself- if he only comes to YOUR house every day, what's with the big bag.  How DUMB does he think we are?)"
I hate to frighten you, Loyal Dogs of America, but it is my duty to keep us safe an informed.   Don't let your humans play down the threat.  "Oh, it's just the mailman," they say.   Humans are easily tricked.
It's up to us dogs to straighten things out.

6 comments:

Linda said...

That is one great expression (and two great teeth).
Did you draw this dog in Photoshop or Painter?

Or Flash????

Namowal said...

Thanks, Linda.
I drew him in Painter on my older PC with my wacom tablet (which I rarely use).
It took several "practice" layers to get the pose (and inklines) I wanted.
And to think I almost cheated and used a stock photo of a bulldog for the picture.

Pile Girl said...

We once had a friendly mailman who carried dog biscuits. Sparky loved to greet him when he came by.
One day, there was a substitute mailman. He saw Sparky's enthusiastic greeting as a threat and sprayed him with pepper spray!
Poor baby.

Namowal said...

Sparky was expecting a goodie and got a face full of pepper spray? Poor Sparky indeed!
You'd think someone who sees as many dogs as a mailman would know the difference between and excited dog and an aggressive one.

stray said...

Great dog drawing!

Biff the Bulldog said...

"Great Drawing?" that's because I'm a great dog. Actually I look better in real life. A perfect combination of rugged handsomeness and fearsome power.