For generations we've been loyal, responsible creatures. We protect houses and fetch slippers. We sit, stay and roll over. We do what we know is right.
Yet in spite of this, an evil force trying to destroy everything we stand for. A wicked entity which continues to threaten us and ignores our warnings. The time has come for real dogs to take a stand:
The mailman must be stopped.
Each day this faceless intruder trespasses onto our property. We warn him to leave and he does- only to return the next day. The arrogance! Does he think his repeated visits will scare us into submission? Or is it his idea of a sick joke?
Someone passed some info to me from a secret source. While I can't verify accuracy, it sounds honest. And answers a lot of questions.
"What the Mailman Doesn't want YOU to Know
Who is this mysterious human? What is his REAL agenda?
The mailman has a deadly grudge against all dogs, and it's only a matter of time until he unleashes his evil.
He's the secret mastermind who
1. Invented muzzles, cats, and dog sweaters
2. Funds veterinarians, groomers, and fireworks manufacturers.
His plans includeI hate to frighten you, Loyal Dogs of America, but it is my duty to keep us safe an informed. Don't let your humans play down the threat. "Oh, it's just the mailman," they say. Humans are easily tricked.
1. Doubling incidents of flea dips.
2. Removal of trees and fireplugs.
3. Outlawing table scraps.
4. Taking away your chew toy.
5. Vaporizing all dogs with the secret weapon he keeps in his sack (Ask yourself- if he only comes to YOUR house every day, what's with the big bag. How DUMB does he think we are?)"
It's up to us dogs to straighten things out.