Thursday, April 03, 2008

Eight Things I Learned the Hard Way

  1. The oven cleaner label says "wear gloves" for a reason.
  2. The toaster says "warning, hot surface" for a reason.
  3. An old toothbrush is a good bathroom cleaning tool, but don't store it near your real toothbrush (unless you want to know what Ajax tastes like).
  4. Hang the sticky fly tape by the lamp? Wow, that should attract lots of flies. Why don't you put it right next to the pull chain...
  5. The whistle on your roommate's tea kettle is a detachable cap. It will let some water trickle into that teacup you're holding, then fall off, dumping scalding liquid onto your hand and arm.
  6. You can outwit the school bully with snappy comebacks. This makes the bully mad. When the bully is mad, you'll get pounded. (Substitute "crazy person" for bully to make this applicable to adulthood.)
  7. Inebriated? Bad time to tweeze the eyebrows.
  8. Out of acne cream? Wart remover is not a good substitute.

What have you learned the hard way?

p.s. was crunched for time when I made the picture


booda baby said...

What? Did you ask What? Um. Everything.

Namowal said...

Glad I'm not the only one bungling stuff up. :)

Sally said...

These are very funny, awful. I know I've got a long list, but I couldn't come up with much. Do not hold firecracker in hand after lighting was a fourth grade mistake. Also various dry clean only warnings, the worst of which reduced a pretty dress to Minnie Mouse size.

Linda said...

1. 1-2 glasses of wine is really enough.
2. At least 8 hrs of sleep makes a difference.
3. Keep a map in the car.
4. Stretch after jogging.
5. Don't answer the phone if you don't know who's calling. (that's why voice mail was invented.)
6. When you're upset with someone, tell the person.
7. You don't have to say "yes" to everybody who asks you for your time.
8. If you really want something and are told "no," keep asking because the answer can change.

Namowal said...

Between your firecracker mishap and my losing battle with kitchen objects, I'm beginning to understand why "get burned" is an expression for "learned the hard way."
p.s. I've mangled many a garment myself.
Wise answers, especially 7 & 8.
Here's my personal version of the former:
Never bend over backwards to please someone who doesn't appreciate you. Your efforts will inspire them to exploit you further.
p.s. speaking of appreciation, thanks to everyone for their loyalty to this blog. Half the fun is reading your wonderful comments!

Sally said...

Linda, I'm so mixed up I thought you were being sardonic the first time you wrote all those things. Now I realize they are sensible.

Namowal, we love your blog! That's why we're here!

stray g said...

I was trying to think (there are so MANY), but anyway on the way up the stairs to post comment I spilled coffee the whole way because the cup was, as always, TOO FULL, but do I learn? Not even the hard way!

Yes, Linda's are right on the money: if I have more than 1 glass of wine I sometimes sneeze horribly all night. And if I do occasionally answer the phone, it is a telemarketer. And it has taken many, many years to get to the point I can actually try to be more direct in communication: but I still have a ways to go.

sal said...

Oh, main thing: had to learn the hard way and still sometimes have to re-learn it: to trust my intuition!

Namowal said...

Aw, shucks. *blush*

Hi, Stray G,
I do the too-full coffee cup spill on a weekly basis. Even if I make it to my destination, there's a good chance some of it will spill onto either

1. The keyboard
2. My lap

You're right about the intuition thing too.

Sally said...

sal, when I quick read your post, I thought it said to trust my institution!

Jesse said...

1> Don't assume you know better than your elders.

1a> 3 year olds shouldn't decide to demonstrate how to chop wood. "But you keep not getting this chopping block here.." Your toes are at stake.

1b> 4 year olds shouldn't stand close to abandoned fire pits to prove they can maintain their balance.

1c> 6 year olds take heed, "Don't play with flat irons" is not an old wives' tail.

2> Don't pester people just to see how they react (this I'm trying to teach *my* kids now :)

3> Don't lean back and forth arguing with your brother on stools when there is a metal bucket cactus behind you.

4> 11 year olds: greasy chicken wings for lunch + monkey bars = concussion

5> a spritz of pepper spray in French class will not go unpunished (I wasn't the one who spritzed -- I was just in the class -- but point taken! ;) *cough*cry*

6> Project "going barefoot for a week" while living in the dorms at college: FAIL

7> Dragging your backpack by the little rolley wheels across every sidewalk you walk down:
7a> is obnoxiously loud.
7b> wears a hole in the bottom of your backpack.

8> Little sisters may be pesky but you will miss them if they are gone.

Namowal said...

Ha! Good ones, Jesse. I liked the chronological order.
p.s. did the cactus survive?

Jesse said...

Haha, most 4 year olds who fall onto a cactus, get needles over a great part of themselves and crack a rib are immediately concerned about the welfare of the plant, I know. For some reason I was unusually distracted and didn't catch that bit of data. XD

Linda said...

Jesse, are you sure that you're not supposed to pester people just to see how they react? But it's so much fun sometimes!

Namowal said...

Linda makes an excellent point, Jesse.

Chris said...

I don't remember how I got here (link-wise) but my quick addition: Don't make fresh salsa with jalapeno or habanero peppers and then use the restroom without washing your hands FIRST. A LOT.

Unless, of course, you are masochistic and enjoy chemically burning sensitive skin.