Sunday, January 14, 2007

Two Namowals at the Blood Drive.

I have two sides. Good Namowal and Bad Namowal.
Good Namowal is responsible, loyal, hard working and kind.
Bad Namowal is selfish, childish, petty and mean.
A recent blood drive got them fighting.

Bad Namowal: Blood drive!? What a waste of time. You never get rewarded for good deeds!
Good Namowal: It's not about rewards. It's about helping people.
Bad Namowal: Like they'd help you!

I ignored Bad Namowal and went to my appointment.
Awaiting the needle, I reclined on the cushion and caught my reflection.

Bad Namowal: Wow. You look like a dead person on a slab.
Good Namowal: What!?
Bad Namowal: Someday you'll be a dead person on a slab.
Good Namowal: Will you knock off the morbid crap? What a thing to say!
Bad Namowal: You'll bypass the slab if you got eaten by a lion or sharks.

The nurse came. The needle went in with the usual mild pinch. This time the pinch lasted and intensified as she yanked it around.
"I'm having trouble," she said. "Your vein's slipping around." She kept at it, pushing, yanking, with the gentleness of someone unlocking a car with a coat hanger.

Bad Namowal: She's a butcher! Ouch. Is she using a fishhook or something?! A shrimp de-veiner? A corkscrew?
Good Namowal: Are you the world's biggest baby? Stop complaining. Hey, I think she got the needle in. All you have to do is wait a bit. The blood will help someone, and you'll get crackers. Win win.
Bad Namowal: They'd better have Cheez-Its. I want my blood back if they don't.

About five minutes into my good deed, the butcher checked on the blood baggie. "Hmm... it's stopped flowing." she frowned. "Maybe I can adjust it..." Push. Pull. Yank. Twist. Nothing. She called another nurse over.
"Needle's clogged" she said. "Has to come out. At least you got half a bag."
"Can you actually use half a bag?" I asked.
She wrapped up my arm. "Ah, not really. No. Sorry."

Bad Namowal: Ha! You wasted an hour and got your arm jackhammered to extract blood that's going down a drain. You and your good deeds!

Looking back, it wasn't a total loss. They blood guys still let me have a bag of Cheez-Its. Nothing shuts up Bad Namowal like Cheez-Its.

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