Sucko and the Salmon

I've been frying up trout and salmon for dinner lately.
My recipe is simple.
1. Coat the fillet with Cajun Seasoning.
2. Fry it in a cast iron skillet with melted butter.*
3. Open the kitchen door so the smoke alarm doesn't go off.
4. Fish is ready when the thickest part flakes and doesn't look like sashimi.

I never liked salmon until I started cooking it this way. I decided to expand to other fish. First up was catfish.
It lacked the meaty texture of salmon and trout. In fact, the meat seemed strangely familiar. Light and delicate like...
...every smelly decomposing fish I'd handled in my tropical fish shop days! This shouldn't be on my plate I thought, this is what I find when I lift up tank decorations and discover what's drifted underneath. Yecch!
Then I remembered Sucko. He was a suckermouth catfish I had about ten years ago. He had funny underslung lips so he could suction himself to rocks (or vegetables I provided) to slurp up food. There was something silly, almost cartoonlike about him: the goofy lips, the googly eyes...
He grew quite large over the years, and when he died he was too big to flush.
It's Sucko!I couldn't shake the thought. How can I eat a Sucko?
I won't be frying up catfish anytime soon.

*olive oil works too. Yes, it's fattening, but I just eat the fillet for dinner. No bread, no veggies, no salad or desert. The trade off is worth it.

Red Devil Rules

Red Devils are beautiful and mean.
For the unfamiliar, imagine a large, neon orange, doubledecker goldfish* with the personality of a pit bull. This their agenda:

1. Uproot and destroy every plant.
2. Topple any decorations.
   
3. Rough up heaters, filter intakes, and airstones.
4. Shove all the gravel into a corner to make a hideout.
5. Any fish who swims near the hideout is the enemy and must die.**
6. Any human who walks by the tank is an enemy and must die.

(Seriously, they charge at you like a bull. Stand your ground and so will they, in full I'm gonna pound you! fury.)
Rule six has some exceptions:

1. If said human offers food, he is in fact your best friend.
2. Train your new friend to give you food by splashing water to get his attention.
3. Let him/her pet you and boast that you're "just like a dog."
4. That being said, your friend's friends are the enemy and must die.

Now there's a fish with personality!

*actually they're not closely related to goldfish (not even in the same order).
Red Devils are from the same family as Angelfish (freshwater), Discus, Tilapia and Oscars.

** some people house them with other fish, especially when they're younger, but I think it's risky. If I were a fish, I would not want this guy to be my neighbor.

The Unwanted Oscar

Oscars were popular when I worked at the tropical fish shop. They're cute, pugnacious, and intelligent. They have personality. Some even like to be petted. They have one serious drawback: they grew very large. Inch long youngsters become ten inch* bruisers. Unless your tank holds more water than your tub, you've got a problem. Owners sometimes returned the big guys in exchange for smaller fish.
This had its problems. While magnificent to look at, they cost more to feed, took up a lot of room, and were harder to sell.
Still, I didn't expect it to lead to the callous treatment one Oscar got.
He was almost a foot long. A scar over his eye resembled a disease called hole-in-the-head**. As you probably guessed, the super-sized, diseased-looking fish wasn't selling.
One day I took out the trash. Something in the dumpster moved. It was the foot-long! Someone had thrown him in the trash, alive! I couldn't believe anyone could be so mean. He lay gasping amongst the trash, in the hot sun.
I ran in, got the biggest, longest net, went to the rescue. I almost toppled into the dumpster to get him out. I splashed him back into his tank. He seemed okay.
"Someone put the big Oscar in the trash," I told my boss. He seemed surprised.
Was he? Or was he in on the plot?
A few days later, the fish was gone. Was he re-dumpestered when I wasn't there to save him? Released in a local pond? Or did he actually find a good home?

*Wild ones can be over a foot long.
**Really, that's the name of the disease.