The Old Man Who Likes to Kill Children

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He lived behind the school, my fellow first graders said. In the overgrown yard of trash and weeds, facing the play field. He was purple, had a shotgun, and picked off kids that got too close.
It seemed plausible. There was evidence. The distant jar lid was, in fact, a the badge of a hall monitor he cooked and ate. The sun bleached BBQ potato chip bag was the last meal of some careless kid. The doll's head? It wasn't really a doll...!
A scaly, gall infested tree guarded his fortress. It had a menacing scowl and a sap oozing eye that glinted in the sun. A rusty barbecue stood in the distance, waiting to smoke the next victim.
We'd sneak up to the yard in groups, looking for evidence. Looking for him.
"There he is!" someone would shriek. Or perhaps "I see his gun!"
Everyone screamed. Everyone ran. We'd escaped serious peril. Fooled him again!
I reported him to the yard duty ladies. A purple kid snatcher! They didn't believe me. At the time, I couldn't understand why.

Evil Bunny Rabbit Apple Pie Trees

When I was about three, McDonald's ran commercials featuring "McDonaldland", a tacky Oz-esque wonderland overflowing with burgers, fries, and mutants. I hated it. Ronald was creepy, Mayor McCheese was a burger headed freak with a quivering nose, and Cap'n Crook looked like the scary old neighbor who you weren't supposed to go near.
The "Apple Pie Trees" were the worst. They were supersized evil clowns. They'd lurch around and grin at the camera with a mouths big enough to bite my head off. They terrified me. Each time the commercials ran, I flipped.
My dad tried to calm me down. "Those trees are just costumes," he told me. "Actually there's bunny rabbits wearing the costumes."
This notion proved almost as disturbing as the Apple Pie Trees. Bunny rabbits grow that tall? my three-year-old brain wondered, And why do they dress up like trees? To scare people?
Who knew bunny rabbits could be so mean?

Update:
Click here to see a commercial with the Evil Trees.

Scary Tree

A comely tree on Sally Cruikshank's blog reminded me of something that happened when I was little.
I remember looking at a peeling eucalyptus tree from our back window. A scary face stared back! I knew it was only an illusion, but it was so sinister looking that I didn't want see it, ever again. I suggested we permanently draw the blinds. My parents didn't agree. I'd have to devise my own avoidance tactics. For days I avoided the window (a large one in the living room)- I wouldn't even face the same direction.
A week later I asked my dad to check on Scary Tree. Perhaps the bark that made his features had peeled off. My dad glanced out the window and gave the all clear. "Looks like a bunch of peeling bark now", he said. I looked out the window-

He was still there! Mean and angry looking as ever! Cold fear surged through me. How could Dad miss it? My preschool brain thought. Doesn't he see it?
I forget what became of Scary Tree (this was over 35 years ago). Either he peeled off or I got distracted and forgot about him. As an adult I find it amusing, but boy, did that thing scare me when I was a kid.