Sunday, January 30, 2011

Marketing Gimmicks that Bug Me

Some marketing  gimmicks annoy me. 
For example...

"Chocolaty"
What it implies: lots of chocolate here!
What  it probably really means: there's no chocolate in this, but it sorta tastes chocolaty.  Or maybe it just looks chocolaty.
Same deal with "fruity," "buttery" "cheesy" etc...


"Made with 100%..."
What it implies:  "This stuff is 100% [ingredient X]
What it probably really means: We're confident you're too stupid to understand the difference between "this is 100% X" and "We took a (probably small) portion of 100% X and mixed it in with the other slop."

Thus this:

Can be marketed as this:

"Crème"
What it implies:  Made  with farm-fresh cream!  And it's a French word with the little doodad over the "e!"  That makes it sophisticated.
What it really means: There's no cream in here.  So we're calling it "crème. "


Maybe the crème is hydrogenated vegetable oil.  Maybe it's beef lard.  The latter is a compromise of sorts, as it least it has something to do with a cow.

I also see crème on expensive skin products*:



Other annoyances:
Surgery candy boasting that it's "naturally fat free"  Does anyone think that Twizzlers are a healthy snack because they're fat free?

"Ancient Wisdom"
News flash.  The ancients weren't that wise.   The ancients thought human sacrifice was a reasonable thing to do.   Then again, considering how many modern people are suckered by dopey marketing techniques, maybe I'm being too hard on the ancients.

Customized Internet Adds:
"[Insert your town here] person discovers miracle treatment for [what we think is probably wrong with you]."
I get stuff like "Los Angeles** Mom Discovers wrinkle cream (or weight loss cure)!"   Inverter Mom really gets around, as she's from El Segundo when I'm at work, and Redondo Beach when I visit my folks
In other words, advertisers are betting that I'm old enough to be fat and wrinkled.   Gee, thanks, guys.

*There is limited evidence that some vitamins (A, B3, C, and E in particular) may be of some use when topically applied, but  I think the vitamins in skin creams are there to sell the skin cream. 


** I don't get the local angle.  Am I supposed to trust the product because a neighbor made it?  Or think "Golly, that's where I live too.  What a coincidence!  I'd better look into this..."

9 comments:

RHSteeleOH said...

Very good post. Radioactive Donkey Slobber is quite funny!

Namowal (Jennifer Bourne) said...

Thanks, RHSteeleOH,
I actually toyed with several. ah, concepts before I decided to go with "Radioactive Donkey Slobber" "Blended Bat Brains," for example.

stray said...

Scary "food" things.

Namowal (Jennifer Bourne) said...

Stray,
Like "cheese" in a spray can?

Or the cubes of quasi meat in frozen pot pies?

Linda Davick said...

I have to admit it. If I saw those créme-filled Choco Bugs on the shelf by the cash register I'd buy a whole case.

Shiz Whizzer said...

The spray cheese is fun to shoot out your car windows going 90mph running from the fashion police.

Namowal (Jennifer Bourne) said...

Linda,
I'll have to admit I started craving Twinkies and Ding Dongs when I worked on that picture. Damn you, Créme! You have powers!

Shiz Whizzer,
That does sound like a better use for it!

Pile Girl said...

Your wonderful expose´ reminds me of a book I read once called DEMON HAUNTED WORLD, by Carl Sagan. It's about how people's mistaken beliefs and superstitions are holding us back. It's a really good book.

This post makes me wonder what could have been in those Space Food Sticks I was so crazy about in my youth!

Namowal (Jennifer Bourne) said...

I remember The Demon Haunted World. That was a good book. It's amazing how credulous people can be.