Sunday, December 19, 2010

How to Fool Around on the Swings

Guest Blogger:  Roscoe the Bratty Kid:

I like the swings.  They're the funnest thing to do at recess.  But why just sit on them?  Any baby in diapers can sit on on the swings.  Here's what do on the swings.
Standing Up:
  • Improved view
  • Looks cool.
  • If the sand is muddy the next kid who sits there might get footprints on his butt!
  • If the teacher catches you, you'll get kicked off the swings.
  • If the sand is muddy, you may accidentally sit down  and get footprints on your butt!


  • Makes the swings extra high!
  • Little kids will think you're really strong 'cause you can toss the swings over.
  • If you toss swings too high, you can't reach them.
  • Sometimes the swings get all crooked.
  • If the swing smacks you on the way down, everyone will laugh.
  • If the teacher catches you, no more swings for the day.
Twist 'em Up
  • Spinning action!
  • You can pretend you're a wrecking ball.
  • Some dumb kid might copy you and pinch his finger.  Then he'll cry run to the teacher and tell her what he was doing and that you were doing it too. The teacher will tell you "Now you go sit on the bench and think about what happened!" and if you say "It wasn't my fault the little baby got his finger caught," then you'll be in bigger trouble.
  • Side to side action adds exciting  range of motion.
  • You have to get to the swings before the other kids do.
  • The other kids might get mad that you're "hogging all the swings" and tell on you.
  • Side swings may come loose and smack into you.

Tether Ball Ride!

  • It's really fun!
  • Other kids will crack up laughing at you.
  • When ball breaks lose and you sprain your elbow on the blacktop, you'll hear "That's what happens when you make poor choices" from every grown-up you know.  You'll also hear "You're lucky you didn't break your neck, young man!"
The Bench
The bench isn't a swing.  I put it on the list because I get benched a lot. Teachers  are just picking on me because they don't like how I play on the swings.   Also because they're mean.  They say "swings are for children who choose to be safe" and "At least you won't hurt yourself sitting here."  
They'll be sorry some day if a poisonous spider is hiding under the bench.  He'll come out and bite me and then everyone will say   "If only we'd let him play on the swings!" 


Pile Girl said...

What a playground terror you must have been!! :D

Interesting how breaking your neck and poking your eye out were the only possible injuries. Because of these possibilities, I was not allowed to have a skateboard or play darts.

But I did manage to break my arm by jumping on the furniture while Mom was on the phone. I somehow hit the coffee table. The plaster cast I ended up with seemed to weigh a ton.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious!! :D

Where's the 'Like' button?

Namowal said...

Hi Pile Girl,
Actually I was a rather good kid who rarely got in trouble, but I knew plenty of kids who were more bold (and had more fun!)
Good observation on how the dreaded outcome we heard usually was loosing an eye or breaking your neck.
Ironic how your mom tried to keep you out of trouble and you managed to get hurt on furniture!

Thanks, Anon.

Namowal said...

p.s. to Pile Girl,
not that I never fooled around on the swings. I just made sure it was after school or at a park- anywhere where a teacher wasn't watching. ;)

booda baby said...

I honestly to godly think this was brilliant. Do you not ACHE to animate this?

Namowal said...

Thanks, Boodababy.
I never thought about animating this, but it might be fun. Especially the tetherball ride.

stray said...

I always loved swings. (But they could get a little scary if things went awry.)

Linda said...

That last image would make a great christmas card.

Namowal said...

I loved them too. In fact, if swings for adults existed, I'd use them!

Thanks! (I wonder what the caption would be?).