Sunday, November 21, 2010

Five Anomalies from the Universe of Television Commercials.

Television Commercials take place in an alternate universe.  Things are different there:
Brand names pepper the conversations.  Small talk is devoted to detergent, soap, and what to clean the floor with.  Junk food triggers parties and dancing.    Soda is slurped down in one swig, followed by ah "ahhh!" 
Here are some other things I've noticed:

1. Shaving is Fun!
  Check out their expressions the next time you see an add for razors or shaving cream.  There's no concentrating, no strategic  head tilts or expressions,  just a sensual reaction as the  blade glides down the cheek.  What's going on?  Is it dipped in opium or something?

2. Toilet Paper is for Squishing up to Your Face Because it's Oh-so-soft.





Gals don't shave their faces, but that's okay because they have "bathroom tissue" to snuggle.  It appears to have a calming effect, especially if it's "quilted" or matches the tile.

3. Diapers are for Hobbyists who Like to Pour Blue Liquid onto Absorbent Surfaces.
The Commercial  Universe is rife with this practice (compulsion?  fetish?)  Blue liquid gets soaked up by diapers, mops, sponges,  paper towels and ShamWows.  Sometimes  the material is squeezed for more Blue Liquid Action.  

4. Moms Think it's Cute when Their Kid Makes a Mess.
Aw look!  Junior tracked in mud, got ketchup on his shirt and just knocked over the grape juice.  Isn't he the sweetest thing?
I await the invertible insurance  commercial where Mom marvels at how adorable Junior is as he burns down the house.

5.  Kiddie Cereal is Spiked with Hallucinogens.
When I eat cereal, nothing happens.  When kids from the  Commercial Universe eat cereal, pictures on the box start  moving.  Then they fly up  to the kid and start  talking to him.  Some kids even get sucked into a vortex of swirling fruit, chocolate or whatever flavor the cereal represents.
Sure, there having fun now, but I don't envy them. By the time they're twenty their brains will be so fried that they think Blue Liquid Action is a swell way to spend the afternoon.

9 comments:

Pile Girl said...

LOVE your illustrations!!

In the commercial universe that I have observed, we are advised to ask our doctors if various drugs are right for us.

I like the one where I'm told to "tell your doctor before having surgery", as though I were going to do it myself with an Exacto knife.

Namowal said...

Thanks, Pile Girl!

You're right about those drug commercials. It's funny how they're all alike- people doing weekend activities and having a good time while the disembodied voice spills out those cliches. "Strychnine is not everyone." "Ask your doctor is strychnine is for you." "Side effects may include..."

Linda said...

This is very funnnnny (and so true).
Particularly love the last illo.

GhostBuild said...

There's this commercial that has fun with this same idea.

I deleted the brief summary I had here earlier... much funnier if you go into this without knowing anything beforehand:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxiSCf97Ybw

Namowal said...

Thanks Linda! When someone tells me something is "so true" I'm extra flattered. My favorite parodies (by others) have a "that's so true!" element.

Ghostbuild,
That's a funny commercial. Thanks for sharing!

Jason said...

I read these every time I seem em posted at work, and they are always great! Keep it up!

stray said...

This is so funny. Yes, the swirling lucky charms are fabulous!

Mike Healy said...

Great post and illustrations!

My baby son Geoffrey can really fill up them diapers, and it's not with blue liquid, but at least they tell the truth when they say 12-18 pounds, because they can actually hold that much liquid!!!

As for the kiddie-cereal spots, no matter how much "whole grain" they have these days, kids will still get all coked up on the sugar content alone, thus giving them a lot of fruit, star and leprechaun-driven trips.

One favorite (read: ridiculous) commercial I remember from the very early '80s was of Yoplait yogurt, where a person would eat a spoonful of it, and then find their own self in a pile of fruit that just appeared out of nowhere. I went and got a yogurt just to see if that would happen. Boy, what a ripoff that was!!!

Namowal said...

Thanks Jason,
I don't get much co-worker feedback, so it's great to know that someone finds my stuff amusing.

Thanks, stray,
It took a lot of trial and error to get the swirling stuff to look the way I wanted, (believe it or not!)

Mike,
That's funny how you were tricked by the yogurt commercial when you were a kid. I used to fall for them too. Remember the Cat Chow commercial where the cat did the "chow chow chow" dance? I couldn't figure out why my cat wouldn't do the same thing when he got Cat Chow.