Brand names pepper the conversations. Small talk is devoted to detergent, soap, and what to clean the floor with. Junk food triggers parties and dancing. Soda is slurped down in one swig, followed by ah "ahhh!"
Here are some other things I've noticed:
1. Shaving is Fun!
2. Toilet Paper is for Squishing up to Your Face Because it's Oh-so-soft.
Gals don't shave their faces, but that's okay because they have "bathroom tissue" to snuggle. It appears to have a calming effect, especially if it's "quilted" or matches the tile.
3. Diapers are for Hobbyists who Like to Pour Blue Liquid onto Absorbent Surfaces.
The Commercial Universe is rife with this practice (compulsion? fetish?) Blue liquid gets soaked up by diapers, mops, sponges, paper towels and ShamWows. Sometimes the material is squeezed for more Blue Liquid Action.
4. Moms Think it's Cute when Their Kid Makes a Mess.
Aw look! Junior tracked in mud, got ketchup on his shirt and just knocked over the grape juice. Isn't he the sweetest thing?
I await the invertible insurance commercial where Mom marvels at how adorable Junior is as he burns down the house.
5. Kiddie Cereal is Spiked with Hallucinogens.
When I eat cereal, nothing happens. When kids from the Commercial Universe eat cereal, pictures on the box start moving. Then they fly up to the kid and start talking to him. Some kids even get sucked into a vortex of swirling fruit, chocolate or whatever flavor the cereal represents.
Sure, there having fun now, but I don't envy them. By the time they're twenty their brains will be so fried that they think Blue Liquid Action is a swell way to spend the afternoon.