Thursday, August 06, 2009

Open Letter to the Rat in my Backyard


Dear Rat,
I thought you were cute. You reminded me of your gentle domestic cousins. Still, you scared birds off the bird feeder and ate a lot of food. This couldn't continue.
I installed a baffle on a feeder post.
You learned a climb a nearby wall and jump.
I sprayed and scattered hot pepper mixes on the feeder.
You sneezed and kept eating.
I bought a feeder within a cage to keep out larger creatures (that is, you).
You squeezed in anyway.
Things got worse. You invited your rat friends over. You made a mess. You destroyed my squirrel feeder and chewed on my bird feeders. I worried about disease and property damage. Would you chew your way indoors?
I baited my larger Hav-A-Hart trap. A midnight inspection found you trapped within. I slipped some food and nesting material through the bars so you'd be comfortable until I could relocate you in the morning...
...except by then you were gone. You'd eaten the food, worked the door open, and escaped.
You, my friend, have signed your death papers. So get out of my yard now or you're going to the big hamster wheel in the sky.
Sincerely,
Namowal

6 comments:

Linda said...

Amazing rat. He should be smiling up there on the WANTED poster.

Love the typewriter type!

Namowal said...

Thanks Linda,
I think that rat might have gotten word that I put out a hit for him- I haven't seen him for a few days.

stray said...

He recognized himself on that "wanted" poster.....

Sally said...

Maybe he got indigestion from last meal and moved on. Dealing with rat trouble is so unpleasant. Feel for you.

Namowal said...

Hi Stray,
If he recognized himself, I'll give him a pardon for reading my blog. Then again, he'll have to sign a "no chewing, no making a mess and no spreading disease" contract too.

Hi Sally,
Dealing with this rat makes me think of the guy from The Godfather who wants no part in the mafia stuff, yet ends up snuffing a bunch of enemies at the end.

Sally said...

Namo, been there, done that. :(