Thursday, May 05, 2011

Circus Peanuts: Something's Rotten in Candyland.

Guest Blogger: Fred, Maple-Nut Truffle
What is it with Circus Peanuts?
Nobody likes them.  Yet they're on display at every store. Meanwhile class act candy like Swedish Fish, Spice Drops, Dumdum Pops, and Wax Lips get second-class status.
Why do Circus Peanuts get all that shelf space?  They're gross:  Band Aid colored.  Rubbery.  Ugly.  They look like something  that should be floating in a lab jar.  And why are they called "Circus Peanuts?"  Did they get their start as a sideshow exhibit?  Maybe you'll find them, if you're lucky.
Let's compare myself, a Maple-Nut Truffle, with a  Circus Peanut.


 Properties:
Maple-Nut Truffle
Circus Peanut

Decadent cocoa butter coating



Rich Buttercream center

Made with 100% pure Vermont maple syrup, farm fresh dairy, and spring harvested Hawaiian cane sugar

Looks like a pupae

Erases pencil marks

Probably emits toxic vapors when heated


So clearly I'm the superior candy.  Yet can you find me at most supermarkets and drugstores?  No!  But you'll find plenty of Circus Peanuts What's going on?
The Dumdum Pops and I have a theory.  The Circus Peanuts are blackmailing their way onto the nations shelves.   I suspect organized crime is involved.   It's the only explanation, I tell ya.

17 comments:

Danger Boy said...

Circus Peanuts are the nastiest "candy" ever invented. I'd rather eat the grass jelly beans in the bertie-bott's.

robrowles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
robrowles said...

You should also take a close look at candy corn. The foulest of the faux vegetable line in circulation today. Some say that candy corn was created in the 1880s by the mad pioneer George Renninger http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candy_corn and shortly after his tar and feathering, the production of Candy Corn was stopped. The Candy Corn we see now every autumn is never consumed. It is collected in a massive recycling drive and re-distributed every year until a proper method of disposing such vial substances are achieved. It's also believed that the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste repository http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yucca_Mountain_nuclear_waste_repository will be the final resting place for Candy Corn but studies have proven that the nuclear waste also sharing the site may cause a sentient version of genetically modified Candy Corn to sprout. Causing much more devastation than can be calculated by current science.

Danger Boy said...

Robrowles, I have to admit I gnosh on candy corn like it's going out of style. OM NOM NOM!

wowieann said...

Ugh, I feel the same way! I've always hated circus peanuts. I could probably get past their appearance if they actually *tasted* good (candy is candy) but even I can't stomach them.

I don't know whether they're all flavored the same way or not - I never ate enough of them to find out, and I've never forgotten the taste, although I had a hard time describing it. Until recently, that is, when someone talked me into trying a banana-flavored Moon Pie. (I don't know what I was thinking.) There it was, that awful taste! The texture wasn't that far off, either. :P

Namowal said...

Danger Boy,
I'll have to agree. I'm sure the grass jelly beans taste better than Circus Peanuts. Plus the former doesn't look like a fungus!

robrowles,
Heh heh :)
Believe it or not, I kinda like candy corn, but only in moderation. It's the lowbrow version of marzipan.
As to what happens when candycorn sprouts... ...that's a scary thought. Then again, maybe that's how they grow those phone tower "trees!"

wowieann,
I admit I have trouble remembering what those things taste like myself. Even if they tasted good, I can't think of a more unappetizing shape or color. They look like shriveled-in-the-bathtub toes.
I didn't know they had banana flavored moon pies. Sounds like they're made with the same mutant marshmallow ingredients that spawn Circus Peanuts.

Uniblogger said...

Don't know why but I always ate candy corn in three distinct bites: First the white part, then the yellow and finally - the middle. And I was always confounded that they all tasted the same.

Namowal said...

Uniblogger,
I ate them in by color when I was a kid too. I always thought the tiny white tip was the best part. Probably a supply and demand illusion.

Sally said...

just googled circus peanuts and yes they were those icky formed items no one would ever eat. Excellent icky item to attack.

Namowal said...

Sally,
It puzzles me why these things are so common. Not only can you find them in any candy isle, but more than one candy manufacturer cranks these things out. They're the "Friday, Friday, Gotta get down on Friday" of candy.

Linda said...

"Erases pencil marks" !!

As to what happens when candycorn sprouts... ...that's a scary thought. Then again, maybe that's how they grow those phone tower "trees!"

Thanks for the laughs.

Namowal said...

Linda,
Good theory about where those celltower "trees" come from.

Sometimes I wish I were in charge of designing those trees. I'd make them so weird and garish that I'd be run out of town.

Mike Healy said...

The biggest travesty in the world of candy, and yet they still exist. You ever notice you never see them in a gourmet-type gift box, or in a candy store like See's? There is a reason they're permanently confined to the 59-cent bags.

Namowal said...

Good point, Mike.
Maybe I'll try to dip some in white chocolate, add some edible sprinkles, and see if people enjoy that way. Of course, I'll have to provide a cross section so they can see what they're biting into!

Pile Girl said...

Hey, I always LIKED Circus Peanuts. It was always a mystery why they LOOK like peanuts and TASTE like bananas. Now days I have to avoid sugar, so, until they come up with a Splenda version, they are strictly off limits. That's okay, because some of the new sugar-free candies are pretty good.

Pokey said...

I love Circus Peanuts.


Simple as that.


Regardless of make (Spangler, Brachs, Sathers, and Melsters are the makers with a lot of stores packaging Spanglers under the store name or the indie make Queen City, thus causing a lot of VERY understandable misleading info as to who is making them.'

Dollar Tree seels Melster's Circus peanuts under the maker's name (in contrast to the store name or some other packer), and they are pretty yummy (in a bubblegum banana way..that is). I took a bag home the other night and cut them up (just like how Lucky Charms came to be) and then put them in Korger Yogurt, banana flavored, needless to point out!

Again, Yummy. I guess eating them in my bedroom goes with my Brady Bunch poster..:)

Pokey said...

I love Candy Corn and Necco Wafers, and also Good and Plenty. So there.


Steve C.

April 22,2015