Maybe you should consider being a crab.
It doesn't matter if you work in the public sector...
Or the private...
Here are some tips to get you started.
Each day, concentrate on the following:
- How stupid everyone is.
- How rotten your life is, thanks to all the stupid people.
When someone asks you a question, respond with...
...the "I can't believe someone could be as dumb as you" look:
Follow quickly with...
...the "Your stupidity disgusts me" glare.
Remember, stay surly. Make sure everyone knows how difficult they're making your life!
Practice saying the following:
"No!"And never forget the all time classic:
"Move! You're in the way."
"What d'ya want?"
"Can I help you?" (Said in a "I know you're wasting my time" tone")
"You did it wrong."
"We're outta [insert commodity here] so don't ask for it!"
"What're you looking at?!"
Try to work in a put-upon "Your Welcome" before anyone thanks you.
And if someone ever says, "I hope it's not too much trouble," be sure to respond with an icy
"It is."
8 comments:
The "Your stupidity disgusts me" glare is my favorite.
When you're drawing faces/expressions, do you find yourself making the face you're trying to draw? I do!!!
Linda,
Glad you liked it. I've been a recipient of that glare a few times.
Yes, sometimes I catch myself making those faces. It also helped that I was listening to "The Threepenny Opera"- -which is filled will ornery songs- when I drew these.
Being a crab is probably healthier than feeling crabby and surly while acting cheerful and perky. This time of year I am SO glad I don't work retail anymore.
Pile Girl,
I remember my retail days well- -having to stay calm and friendly even when the customer was hostile (or downright insane!). It isn't easy, is it?
This post is great, especially in the upcoming holiday-shopping days. We can be sure we'll be seeing a lot of that for weeks to come. The facial expressions are spot-on (are some of these people the business owners? Yikes!).
I think Lenny Bruce had the all-time classic, talking about asking for a glass of water as a kid, and being told: "No, the water's broken!".
Mike,
Thanks!
I suppose it 'tis the Season to be Surly for crabs.
I've never heard the "No. The water's broken" bit, but I can readily imagine an ill-tempered adult responding that way to a kid.
Ick, yes, crappy service from a crabby person. Oh what spice such a personality can bring to an otherwise dull day. NOT.
Wow... did you meet someone recently that served as a muse for this topic?
Hi Ghostbuild,
The crabs were a composite of many from memory. I was actually working on some other pictures (at my lunch break) when a friend swung by to complain about getting the crab treatment from a nearby shop... ...which reminded me of similar crabs. Pretty soon I was drawing the crab squad!
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