Stuff I'm Bad At

I'm not bad at everything.  I can draw (depending on whom you you ask)..  I can rotoscope hair, throw my voice, and solve 3d puzzles.   I can usually coax a toy out of the crane machine.  But what fun is boasting?
I'm bad at stuff too.   I can't really catch a ball or throw a Frisbee.  If my age were my bowling average I'd be dead.  My handwriting is a mess and I can't grip the pen properly. 
A lot of things on my "bad at" list are stuff I don't like to do anyway.  I can always blame lack of interest or practice on these things.   Not so with the Big Three.  The things I've always liked doing, yet do oh so badly:
Singing:
I love music.  Folk songs,  jazz, rock,  even opera.  I can read music.   I can identify instruments and tell you that a vuvuzela squawks a b-flat.   Might I add that it squawks a b-flat way better than I can.   I first heard a recording of my singing voice in fifth grade.  Listening to it was like being slapped. That off-key dolt was me!

Dancing:
 Nothing's like dancing to a fun song.  The problem is what I think I'm doing and what I'm really doing are laughably different..  I'm uncoordinated, miss the beats, and am about as graceful as a rhino falling down steps.  I display "doesn't she realize how stupid she looks!?" moves.
Acting:
This is a real shame because I have a strong imagination. and can keenly picture myself anywhere.  As a kid I adored pretend games.  Acting enchanted me and I tried to weasel my way into any play I could.    I vividly imagined I was a naughty kid, a member of the royal court, a fairy etc.., yet  stomped through each role like Godzilla, sounding as sincere as an automated "overdue materials" message from the library.   Never good get the volume right either- I was always too loud or too quiet*

But "didn't you see the bumper sticker?" Some may ask.  "You gotta sing like nobody's listening and dance like nobody's watching!"   Yeah, right.    Whomever came up with that glurge would quickly change the "like" to "when" if they saw me in action.  Some things are best done alone.



*A problem I have in real life too.  Both the volume thing and the stomping like Godzilla.