The Far-Out Painter of Groovy Light

Thomas "Painter of Light" Kinkcade is a genius. Not like Da Vinci or Michelangelo. More like Disney or the Ray "McDonald's" Kroc. He found something he was good at and made a pile of dough mass producing them. If art were a bakery his work would be the pop tarts. Glazed, toasty, sparkly, a bit too sweet, and a big seller.
The vivid lights and colors in his work remind me of mild hallucinogen. You expect the pics to leave trails when you move your eyes. In another era he could have billed himself as "The Far-out painter of Groovy Light"
His Groovy Light is everywhere. Every magazine I open throws a new one at me. Prints, plaques, calendars, cards, mugs, puzzles, clocks, teddy bears, assorted "decor" that actually lights up. All of this is peddled with schlocky copy like "a brilliant full moon dances on the wispy clouds."
Maybe someday they'll do a "Thomas Kinkade Paints the Great Disasters" series. "The Painter of Light" could really go to town on the Chicago Fire. Or the Titanic. Here's how the add might look:

For Your Collection: A Piece of Art. A Piece of History.

A spark A flash of light. A glowing fireball. The magnificent zepplin Hindenburg bursts into flames. Lakehurst, New Jersey is set aglow in delicate shades of yellow and orange as frantic passengers and crew scramble for their lives. It's not a total loss. Some of the people killed could have been Nazis. This lavish, historical, educational piece can be yours for a limited time. It's sure to be a "Hot Seller", so reserve your copy today.

p.s. My dad looked over my shoulder at this and deemed it "too subtle".